May 6 -- Feast of Saint John Before the Latin Gate

Dominus et Deus or Dickless Dumbass?

Saint John the Divine of Patmos has a general feast on December 27, but this specific feast is dedicated to his unsuccessful martyrdom and subsequent exile.  Pope John XXIII removed this feast from the General Roman Calendar in 1960, and while I respect His Holiness deeply, the hagiomajor calendar maintains the feast. 

The attempt to kill John, the Beloved Disciple and last survivor among the twelve apostles, was ordered by the Emperor Domitian.  He hasn't featured very prominently here, but Foxe's Book of Martyrs lists his as the second of the Ten Great Persecutions by the Roman emperors, between Nero and Trajan.  He's the younger son of Titus, who succeeded their father Vespasian but died after only two years.  Domitian was the first emperor who demanded to be called Dominus et Deus, i.e. Master and God.  So much about a person can be communicated in three short words.

Returning to John, he was about 95 years old when they busted him, trussed him up (to limit his wonder-working abilities, no doubt) and hauled him to Rome.  The Emperor met him at the Latin Gate and judged him fit for deep-frying.  So they took a cauldron of oil and built up a good, roaring fire underneath it.  When it was hot enough to scald the skin off a seal, they lowered the Beloved Disciple into it. 

Post-oiling strigil 

Hauling John to the cauldron

John Foxe wrote that the scalding oil was changed "into an invigorating bath."  I'd like to think that the Saint took a moment to relax, soaking in the oil, saying how good it was for his old, dry skin.  Maybe he rubbed a little into the crow's feet by each eye and asked for a strigil so he could scrape the dirt and excess oil from his body when he got out. 

Foxe also notes that Domitian did not benefit at all from witnessing this miracle.  He did recognize quickly that attempting to kill someone so favored would be futile -- playing into the guy's hands, really -- so instead he exiled him to the island of Patmos.  There, John was privileged to record the revelation granted to him, which came to be called the Apocalypse of John or the Book of Revelation.